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Wishing my Kids Away

I have ideas of sharing more personal posts with all of you about my journey as a mother and parenting but there is a degree of vulnerability that I am not always comfortable with.  It’s one thing for people to be vocal about disliking what you wear or do but when people question your parenting it’s different.  I am a very open person but I am also judicious with what I share to my readers.  I’m ok with sharing many parts of my life but some parts I still like to remain a little private.

But I am trying to grow as a person and as a parent and because of that I do want to share more about the victories and struggles I face as a mom.  The other night in a conversation with a friend we were talking about as moms we are inundated with information constantly telling us that we are doing things wrong.  That if we don’t do it this way or think a certain way we are wrong.  The truth is at our core mom’s just want to feel like they are doing right by their kids.  We love our kids and for that reason we are going to strive to be good moms… as we should.  In reality we are great mom’s who have great days and ok days and bad days and everything in between.

So know as I write this my hope is that my vulnerability touches your heart and you can know that I think you are doing a great job.  Right where you are, right where you sit, no matter how great or terrible the day has been I think you are perfect just like you are.  But if this post makes you think than that’s all I could want.

Wishing Your Kids Away…

My plan was never to be a stay at home mom.  I have never been afraid to admit that to people.  It took me a solid 6 months to acclimate to SAHM life.  It was hard for me.  What made it equally as hard was the guilt I put on myself that I should be enjoying every single second because other moms would kill to be in my place.  This was one of the hardest times in my mom life.

Summer’s are hard.  You can ask just about any mom out there and they will tell you that summer weighs on them.  I don’t know if it is the non consistent schedule of the summer or the heat but it always feels like the kids are extra crazy and the days are extra long.  At some point during the summer, usually July, I start looking at the calendar and counting the days until school goes back in.

It’s an innocent thing and it seems harmless for me to long to be back in a scheduled environment with a little free time each week.  But then I start to think how in a way I am wishing my kids away.  Now this is the part I don’t want anyone taking offense to because it’s ok.  Sometimes we are all going to do that.  Think about the glory days of school being back in session and having the 9 months of consistency but there are only so many summers and not just that there are only so many summers they are going to want to hang out with you each day.

Right now they want me to swim with them.  They don’t care if I am not in tip top shape.  They don’t care that I fuss when they wet my hair.  They just laugh and I laugh.  We race and they beat me every time.  I watch them jump and swim back and forth hundreds of times and I fix their goggles.  They need me.  Not just to make their lunches but they need me to tell them good job when they jump off the side of the pool.

We go on fieldtrips and I am exhausted when we are done but we have fun.  Even on the worst days we have fun.  I see things through their eyes.  Unafraid to try things, ask questions and reach out and touch things.  Places I would never visit I see with them and because of this I am learning and expanding my own self.

But most importantly we have time.  We have this time together and it’s special and sacred and important and I don’t have to love every single second of it to love that we have these summers together.  I can for a split second look at the calendar and long for the calmer months the fall will bring while spinning around and shooting one of them with the nerf gun or break up yet another fight.

The reality that I have learned in this journey is that I don’t have to be perfect and they don’t have to be perfect because we are all just doing our best.

So mommas.  You don’t have to love it all and if 3:00 rolls around and you are looking at that calendar and saying when does school start just know that I am probably looking at it too.  It doesn’t make us bad moms.  We are just being real.  But take the next moment to do something fun and turn your own day around.  This too shall pass and next summer they will be another year older.

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